When a child in your community is diagnosed with cancer, it’s natural to want to help their family, but you might not always know how to lend a hand.
Every parent copes differently, but many parents say it is hard to hear apologies from friends or family in response to caring for a child with cancer. Instead, focus on the positive statements such as, "We are in this with you. Whatever you need, we're here."
There are many ways you can provide encouraging support and meaningful help to the family of a child facing cancer.
What can you do for the family of a child with cancer?
Children with cancer may spend a few weeks in the hospital at any given time. Families and friends can help the parents of a child with cancer by bringing necessities they may not be able to get at the hospital, including:
- Favorite snacks
- Books, movies and magazines
- Comfortable, clean clothes
- Toiletries like deodorant, toothbrushes, soap or shampoo
- Clean blankets or pillows
- Activities for the child, like coloring books or crafts
Always ask if there's anything specific families need before you schedule a drop off. Parents may have a list of items ready.
It's important to note that visitors may not be allowed inside the hospital due to COVID‑19 safety precautions. Check to see how you can safely organize a drop off. In addition to the necessities, consider including personal notes of encouragement and support from friends and family members to let the family know they are being thought of.
Be the messenger
Parents of children with cancer tire of answering the same questions repeatedly. With permission from the parents, you can be the messenger to spread information and news. Just verify with the family what information can be shared and with whom.
Support the family at home
Just because a child is in the hospital for cancer treatment, parents’ responsibilities don’t stop. They may have other children to care for, may need to continue to work outside the home or simply need help caring for their home. Friends can lend a hand by:
- Providing rides and helping out with other siblings
- Making meals to be delivered to the house
- Mowing the lawn or taking care of other household tasks
Many websites allow you to create a schedule of tasks or food drop-offs. These sites allow parents to easily communicate what they need while giving you a way to help. They enlist friends, neighbors and family, so parents don’t feel overwhelmed.
What to say when a child has cancer
It can be difficult to know what to say to parents who are facing such a challenging time. First, it’s important to know that parents of a child with cancer need support too and don’t want to feel isolated. Even just a few quick phone calls during the week or notes throughout treatment can help parents feel supported.
The right things to say to parents of kids with cancer
It’s important to avoid unsolicited advice, platitudes or saying you know how they feel – unless you’ve experienced what they are going through. Sometimes, when we don’t know what to say we can unintentionally say something wrong. Here’s a few sayings to avoid:
- Everything happens for a reason.
- Have you tried x treatment? I read online it helps cure cancer.
- I know exactly how you feel.
- I don’t know how you do it. I could never handle this.
- It will all be okay.
Instead, focus on expressing compassion and letting them know you are concerned and want to help. Positive things to say may include:
- I want to help you. What night can I drop a dinner off for you?
- I can’t imagine how you must feel. I’m always here to talk if you need me.
- You’re handling this with so much courage and strength. You can lean on me if you need help.
- I’m thinking of you.
- I know someone whose child also has/had cancer. Would you like to speak with them?
Don't be afraid to ask
All families with children facing cancer need different kinds of support and love. If you are unsure how to help, you can always ask first to ensure you offer the care they truly need.
Watch our video series for more resources to help navigate a cancer diagnosis.
Provide support to parents of a child with cancer by filling in the gaps. Offer to help with household chores, bring items to the hospital or provide care to other siblings. See more tips on how to help via @Childrens.
Learn more about cancer treatment at Children's Health℠
Learn more about the Pauline Allen Gill Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at Children’s Health and how our highly trained experts help children fight cancer.