How to prepare your child for surgery

It's natural for some kids to feel nervous when they find out they need surgery — and for their families to feel anxious too. Knowing what to expect and how to prepare can help make the experience a little easier for everyone.

Meghan Wilmer, Child Life Specialist in General Surgery at Children's Health℠, shares tips for talking to kids of different ages about an upcoming surgery and ways to help them feel more comfortable with the process.

Tips for parents of children of all ages

For children of all ages, it's important to:

• Tell them the truth. It’s best to be honest with your child about what will happen. Answering your child’s questions truthfully maintains their sense of trust with you and their medical team. If your child asks a question you’re unsure of how to answer, seek guidance from their medical team.

• Assure your child they will get medicine to help them be asleep during their entire surgery. This medicine makes it so they will not see, hear, or feel anything while the doctor helps their body.

• Use your judgement on when you talk with your child about their upcoming surgery and how much information you give. As a parent, you know your child best.

• Reach out to the child life team if you need support.Child life specialists are health professionals who help kids and families manage stress and anxiety related to illnesses, injuries and medical procedures. If you or your child is worried about a procedure at Children’s Health, you can reach out by contacting our surgery outreach program at surgerychildlife@childrens.com or 214-456-8308.

Preparing a toddler for surgery

When to tell toddlers about surgery

Since toddlers don't yet have a well-developed sense of time, telling them about surgery the day before or day of is plenty of time.

What to tell toddlers about surgery

Explain what will happen, using simple words. We recommend using this language with toddlers:

• Ahead of time:

  • You are going to have surgery so the doctor can help your body

  • If available, playing with a doctor kit/toys may encourage this conversation.

• In the moment/as they’re preparing for surgery:

  • The nurse is going to see how your body is feeling (for example, “they will take your temperature and see how tall you are”).

  • It’s time to drink your medicine. It might make you feel kind of silly or sleepy.

  • Now you’re going to take a ride on the bed to the room where you’ll have surgery

  • You’ll be asleep while the doctor helps your body

  • When you wake up, you’ll get to eat a popsicle

"Many toddlers want to help and have a job," Wilmer says. "So, we tell them, 'Your job is to drink the silly juice, breathe into a little mask and then eat popsicles.'"

Common fears about surgery for toddlers

The most common worry Wilmer hears from toddlers is that they'll have to get a shot. But many times, toddlers won’t be awake when they have an IV placed.

Preparing preschool-aged children for surgery

When to tell preschool-aged children about surgery

Tell your preschool-aged child about their surgery no more than a few days in advance.

What to tell preschool-aged children about surgery

• You are going to have surgery so the doctor can help your body (mention what part of the body the doctor will be helping. For example, your throat or your ears). If available, playing with a doctor kit/toys may encourage this conversation.

• The nurse will check your body (i.e. they will listen to your heart, take your temperature, etc.)

• A lot of nurses and doctors will talk to you and your family. Then you will drink some medicine (sometimes called “silly juice”) to help your body relax.

• Then you’ll take a ride on your bed to the next room where you’ll breathe through a mask to fall asleep. The air that comes through the mask has sleepy medicine in it.

• While the doctor helps your body, you will not hear, see, or feel anything.

• When you wake up, you will be with your family and get to eat popsicles and drink juice.

Common fears for preschoolers

Assure your child that surgery is not a punishment, it's to help their body be healthy. Sometimes kids think they’re having surgery because they did something bad. It's important to remind them that surgery is not a punishment and tell them why they need it.

Preparing school-aged children for surgery

When to tell school-aged children about surgery

For school-aged children, the child life team recommends telling them a few days to a week before surgery. That gives them at least a few days to process and come up with questions.

What to tell school-aged children about surgery

Be sure to use words school-aged children understand and give them time to ask you any questions:

• You are going to have surgery so the doctor can help your body (mention what part of the body the doctor will be helping. For example, to repair your hernia or remove your tonsils).

• The nurse will check your vitals (i.e. listening to your heart and taking your temperature).

• For a child 9 years and younger: Before your surgery, you’ll drink a medicine to help you relax.

• For a child 10 and older: You’ll get an IV, which is a small flexible straw that will be put in a vein in your hand or arm.

• When you get to the operating room, you will get your anesthesia (sleepy medicine) to go to sleep for your surgery. You may get it through your IV or by breathing through a mask.

• While the doctor helps your body, you will not hear, see, or feel anything.

• When you wake up, you will be with your family and get to eat popsicles and drink juice.

"If your child has anxiety related to needles or seems fearful of getting an IV, reach out to a child life specialist who can provide preparation and support," Wilmer says.

Common fears about surgery for school-aged kids

• Many children in this age group are worried about how surgery might change their body. For example, they might worry about having a scar after surgery or needing their hair shaved before surgery. You can help your child with these fears by validating their feelings and giving them information about how their body will look when they wake up.

• Getting an IV, which requires a tiny needle.

Sometimes kids are afraid of things that they don't actually need to worry about, which is why Wilmer recommends asking open-ended questions like:

• Is there anything you’re worried about?

• Is there anything you’re wondering about?

For example, she's seen many kids needing their tonsils removed who think the doctor is going to make a big cut in their neck or remove their head entirely.

"We can tell them that they don’t have to worry about that because the doctor takes out their tonsils through their mouth," Wilmer says. "Sometimes asking broad questions can help you ease fears about things that are not going to happen."

Preparing teens for surgery

When to tell teens about surgery

Teenagers may benefit from knowing about their upcoming surgery a week or two ahead of time. This will give them time to process and ask any questions they may be wondering.

What to tell teens about surgery

With a teenager, you might say:

• You are going to have surgery to (mention what the doctor will be doing during surgery. For example, remove your tonsils).

• The nurse will check your vitals (i.e. they will listen to your heart and take your temperature etc.)

• You’ll get an IV, a small flexible straw, in a vein in your hand or arm.

• When you get to the operating room, you will get your anesthesia through your IV to go to sleep for surgery.

• During surgery, you will not hear, see, or feel anything. There will be monitors on your body and medical staff keeping you safe at all times.

• When you wake up, you will be with your family and get to eat popsicles and drink juice.

"Teens are at an age where they are becoming independent. Some ways you can promote their independence are by including them in their medical care and respecting their privacy," Wilmer says.

Common fears about surgery for teens

• Privacy. Teens may feel anxious about doctors seeing them without clothes on. Wilmer recommends reminding your teen that the doctors and nurses are professionals who will keep them covered as much as possible.

• Body image. For example, some kids worry about having a scar after surgery. You might reassure your child that the doctor will make the incision (opening for surgery) as small as possible.

• Waking up during the surgery – or not waking up at all. For teens with these fears, Wilmer tells them that an anesthesiologist will be there the whole time. Their job is to help you go to sleep, monitor your heart rate and blood pressure while you’re asleep and help you wake up at the end. And they'll continuously give you medicine so you’re sure to stay asleep for the right amount of time.

"Often they feel better once they know how anesthesia will be used and that someone will be right next to them, monitoring them the whole time," Wilmer says.

What should I bring to my child’s surgery?

• A comfort item like a stuffed animal or blanket.

• A favorite book or toy.

• An iPad or tablet for use while waiting (parents will need to hold onto it during surgery).

And if your child or teen needs to stay overnight, pack pajamas. This can help them feel more comfortable during their stay.

Tips to ease parents and caregivers fears about a child’s procedure

Some children may feed off their parents’ anxiety. It's important to take care of yourself so you’re able to best support your child day of surgery.

To help with your own anxiety:

• Ask your child’s doctor or child life specialist about anything you're worried about. You don’t have to ask in front of your child. You can ask to speak to them one-on-one.

• Use relaxation strategies that work for you like deep breathing, stress balls or listening to music.

• Get support from your partner, friend, sibling or parent.

What to expect of surgery day at Children’s Health

If your child is scheduled to have an upcoming surgery at Children’s Health, find more information on what to expect, how to prepare your child for surgery, how to keep your child comfortable and more in English and Spanish at childrens.com/SurgeryDay.

Learn more

Often the fear of the unknown is the biggest challenge for kids and families. The child life specialists at Children's Health are here to help your child and family navigate illnesses, injuries and medical procedures. Learn more about our Child Life program.