Your Child's Health - Archive

Also in this issue: Learning to Share: It’s Not Easy for Young Children Picking Snacks for Picky Eaters Hand Washing: Don’t Give Up on Plain Soap and Water When That Belly Discomfort Won’t Go Away Heart Health Starts Young NEWSLETTER HOME PAGE		Stop Dating Abuse Before It Starts Don't think 'It can't happen to my child' Seeing your teen off on a date can give you the jitters. Here’s a topic that’s not likely to calm your nerves: teen dating violence. It’s worrisome, but it’s not inevitable, says Jami Gross, Ph.D., pediatric psychology staff at Children’s Medical Center. You and your teen can avoid potentially perilous situations and reduce the risk for problems. Dating violence occurs when one person in a relationship uses physical, emotional or sexual abuse to gain control over the other person, according to the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Research from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that physical, emotional or sexual dating violence affects one in four teens. “Don’t think, ‘It can’t happen to my child,’” Gross says. “It occurs in all regions, ethnic groups and income levels. It can take place during casual dating or in long-term relationships.” And, while it is much more likely that the dating abuse will be perpetrated by boys against girls can be abusers, too. Subtle beginning The pattern often begins with criticisms and demands from one partner, according to the SAMHSA. A boyfriend may dictate what clothes his girlfriend should wear or tell her which friends she is permitted to see. The demands can escalate to threats and rage. Teens may not know how to respond to the threatening behavior and “mind games.” Teens may think that they are to blame and that they deserve the abuse. Teens rarely seek help. So parents should watch for warning signs. Dating abuse can take many forms, not just ones that can readily see, Gross says. Signs of physical abuse include: Unexplained bruises. Sudden abandonment of friends or activities. Change in looks or clothing. Neglected schoolwork. Sudden hostility or secretiveness. Refusal to let you meet a date. Signs of emotional abuse include: Depressed or withdrawn behavior. Use of alcohol or drugs. Angry or destructive behavior. Teaching the signs Teenagers, especially those with low self-esteem, may not always recognize abuse. Teach them about it, Gross says. Also, teach both boys and girls that it’s definitely not OK to control a girlfriend or boyfriend through violence of any sort. Of course, it may be difficult for a teenager to talk about problems in his or her dating life. “Keep the lines of communication open. Let him or her know that you care and that you want your child to be safe.” Even if your child won’t talk with you, “it’s still OK to advice them and guide them toward resources they may feel more comfortable with, such as domestic violence hotlines or counseling,” Gross says. If you think that your child is the abuser in a relationship, confront him or her about it. Seek professional help. What if you think your teen may be in an abusive relationship? Advise him or her to: Always tell someone about the evening’s plans. Consider double dating when possible. Have a plan for what to do if a date becomes abusive. Avoid drinking and taking drugs. Know and carry emergency contact information. Trust his or her instincts. Avoiding an abusive relationship is often a lot easier than getting out of one. That makes communication important. Resources on teen violence and dating abuse CDC SAMHSA Last reviewed: February 2009		Find a Speciality & Service Request an Appointment Support Children's childrens.com
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