Seeing your teen off on a date can give
you the jitters. Here's a topic that's not likely to calm your
nerves: teen dating violence.
It's worrisome, but
it's not inevitable, says Dr. Stephanie Setliff, a psychiatrist on
the medical staff at Children's Medical Center Dallas. You and your
teen can avoid potentially perilous situations and reduce the risk
for problems.
Dating violence occurs when one
person in a relationship uses physical, emotional or sexual abuse to
gain control over the other person, according to the Substance
Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
(SAMHSA).
Dating violence affects one in five teens, Boston researchers
wrote in 2001 in the Journal of the American Medical
Association.
"Don't think, 'It can't happen to my
child,'" Dr. Setliff says. "It occurs in all regions, ethnic groups
and income levels. It can take place during casual dating or in
long-term relationships."
Subtle
beginning
The pattern often begins with criticisms and demands from one
partner, according to the SAMHSA. A boyfriend may dictate what
clothes his girlfriend should wear or tell her which friends she is
permitted to see. The demands can escalate to threats and rage.
Teens may not know how to respond to the threatening behavior and
"mind games." Teens may think that they are to blame and that they
deserve the abuse.
Teens rarely seek help. So parents
should watch for warning signs.
Signs of physical
abuse include:
- Unexplained
bruises
- Sudden abandonment of friends or activities
- Change
in looks or clothing
- Neglected
schoolwork
- Sudden hostility or secretiveness
- Refusal to let you meet a
date
Signs of emotional abuse
include:
- Depressed or withdrawn behavior
- Use of
alcohol or drugs
- Angry or destructive
behavior
Teaching the signs
Teen girls,
especially those with self-esteem issues, may not always recognize abuse.
Teach them, Dr. Setliff says. Teach boys, too, since researchers
say some seem to feel it's OK to control girlfriends through
violence.
Dr. Setliff, who also is an assistant professor
of Pediatrics at the University of Texas Southwestern
Medical Center, says it may be difficult for a teenager to
talk about problems in his or her dating life.
"Don't
become angry or pry if your child refuses to talk," Dr. Setliff
says. "Let him or her know that you care and that you want your
child to be safe."
If you think that your child is
the abuser in a relationship, confront him or her about it. Seek
professional help.
What if you think your teen may be
in an abusive relationship? Advise him or her
to:
- Always tell someone about the evening's
plans.
- Consider double dating when possible.
- Have a plan for
what to do if a date becomes abusive.
- Avoid drinking and
taking drugs.
- Know and carry emergency contact
information.
- Trust his or her instincts.
Avoiding an
abusive relationship is often a lot easier than getting out of
one. That makes communication important.
