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When is busy too busy?
Pay attention to your child's schedules, watch for signs of stress

A 12-year-old should not need a BlackBerry to keep up with his or her day.
      But that almost seems to be the case as children have more opportunities for extracurricular activity than ever before. From recreational sports leagues to computer camps, children have plenty of opportunity to keep busy.
      But is that always a good thing?
      Pete Stavinoha, Ph.D., a clinical neuropsychologist in the Center for Pediatric Psychology at Children's, says it all depends on the child.
      "If your child is doing well at everything, then obviously the child is doing a good job of balancing his or her time," Stavinoha says. "Maybe it seems to you that your child is awfully busy. But at the same time if the child is doing well and otherwise seems happy and well adjusted, then the activity level is OK."
      Stavinoha says to watch for any signs of stress or strain on the child, by watching for signs of seeming tired or irritable. If grades begin to suffer or practices are missed, those are signs it may be time to talk with the child.
      "Talk to your child and say, 'Let's look at all the factors,'" Stavinoha says. "Together let's walk through this and figure out where some adjustments can be made. Because in the end you want to use this as a teaching process for your kid, and help your child prioritize and plan what's important and what's not so important."
      Stavinoha says a child may want to choose his activities by what is more fun to him, or be more practical by what my look better on a college application. Other times, children may want to quit an activity because they simply aren't good at it.
      Regardless of the situation, Stavinoha says there is not a generic rule parents should follow. Again it simply depends on the child.
      "If you've got a child who truly is miserable and he's really given it a go, you have to think about what is to be gained from the situation," he said. "Then the cost of quitting and having that as a model may make more sense than leaving your child in a terrible situation."
      Stavinoha says it's not a matter of quitting, and parents should not pull the plug too quickly. But in the end, there are cases where it is best for the child to do something different.
      "When a child does quit an activity, the idea would be to substitute that activity for something else," he said. "The child doesn't just quit and watch television. That's where the fine line is drawn. Parents have to know what's true misery versus what's complaining."

Last reviewed: January 2007


 

JANUARY 2007








 

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