Around the holidays, life in "blended families"
of step-moms, step-dads and step-kids can become stressful -
especially for children who'll spend time at more than one
household.
Children may feel guilty
for leaving one parent, or uneasy in a new environment, says Pete
Stavinoha, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist at Children's.
"None of us like change that much,"
Stavinoha says. "Big changes during the holidays can be particularly
difficult to cope with for everyone
involved."
Still, there are ways to make the holidays
happier and easier for everyone.
Tips for custodial
parents
Avoid guilt trips.
When sending children to spend the holidays with their other
parent, encourage them to have fun. Let them know what your plans are
while they're away. Don't send the message that you're being left
alone.
Plan ahead. Coordinate the logistics, such as
transportation and holiday plans, so the children can anticipate
without anxiety.
Avoid one-upmanship. Share information,
such as the fact your child no longer likes peanut-butter
sandwiches. "Don't withhold information to prove you know more about that
child," Stavinoha says. "All you'll hurt is the
child."
Coordinate gift-giving. Exchange the children's wish list with the
other parent so you can decide who'll give what.
Create
a checklist. That will ensure nothing gets lost in the
shuffle.
Share medical information. Include your doctor's phone
number in case prescriptions need to be refilled or medication gets
lost.
Tips for noncustodial
parents
- Let kids stay connected. Establish a schedule
for the kids to communicate with the absent parent.
- Allow
for quiet time. When your children arrive, let the household they
just left know they've arrived safely. Then, help your children
unpack in their own room or fill their own drawer - something to
give a sense of belonging.
- Establish an arrival-day
ritual. A standing activity after unpacking, such as popcorn and a video
rental, helps communicate belonging. This gathers everyone
together but doesn't force interaction. Save that and a review of
household rules for day two.
To learn
more
Visit the National Stepfamily Resource Center on the Web at
www.stepfam.org.
